Hey You,
It's been awhile, since I've blogged, and since we've talked. So that's why I'm writing this. Might as well kill two birds with one stone as the say. but anyway to the meat of the subject: ME! oh... yes.... and you as well haha.
You once made the mistake, like so many before you, of believing I was perfect, or, well put together I believe your words were. But I'm not, far from it in fact. You see my well dressed facade, the collar, and the perfectly tied tie. You hear the English mannerisms in my speech, and the refined vocabulary. But you don't see, because I don't want you to. You don't see the boy underneath, the shattered personality at times so consumed by his OCD he spends an hour or more tying that tie. You don't see the fear that fills my heart and stomach when I see you or talk to you, because I think you're beautiful.
Look closely at my face and you'll see the spot I missed shaving because I slept in too late, and later that day ask me what I'm thinking, and I'll tell you something sweet and charming but what I'm really thinking? "Gah! The spot I missed is so obvious I'm sure she see's it, I know this will drive her away." You see the perfect posture, slightly out turned feet to prevent slouching. Elbows off the table when I'm eating. What you miss though is far less refined; I trip up and down stairs daily, I'm I'm so klutzy you'd think I went out of the way to trip over my cat in the morning. I walk into doors walls, and people, almost daily, usually because I'm lost too deep in my own thought about something plaguing me.
My point is love, I'm just as terrified as you were, I've just become adapt at hiding it. (for the most part anyway.)
I leave you with my final thought on this topic for now though:
A wise high school friend of mine once called me: "A bloody serial monogamist!" (truth time, several people have actually said this to me, her's stuck with me though because she slapped me to get the point across.) And while yes, I do so enjoy having one person to dote upon and be with, lately, it's become less of a worry to me. That's not to say that if we we're to go on a date that I would turn around and ask out the very next girl I see after I drop you off at home. It simply means that you're not ready for a relationship and as you can clearly see from above, and considering all that's happened, neither am I. All I want is a friend who's maybe a little more, someone fun, and smart, who isn't going to cause me a heart attack from worry. NOT to sell you short of course! I just don't want to be a serial monogamist right now. I bumbled that up didn't I? Well I'm hoping you understand what I'm trying to get across, I'm fairly certain you will.
Many people are going to read this, a few, will know it's about them, but it isn't, it's about you. I'd give you a hint but, you're an awfully smart girl and 'm sure you'll know it's actually you, and...... well. You know how I do so enjoy keeping you guessing.
I'm afraid though I really must be off, I've some cheesecake cookies in the oven that are about to burn, and I think I've finally perfected that damn recipe.
Adieu for now my dear.
Sincerely,
A Thief of Love
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