I've been staring at the empty page of this blog post for about...... oh an hour now. I've typed beginnings hated them then deleted them, started anew and petered off after the first sentence. I wrote letters but most of them where angry or upset and I didn't want to write that, so I deleted them.
But finally I arrived at a realization after typing out one more angry letter and deleting it:
A lot of things in my life have ended lately, and while I admit it's had me sad... or worried at times. I made a realization today. I woke up at 7:30 and decided that despite my lack of running shoes I was going to go anyway because I needed that release back in my life, and it felt amazing. When I got back I decided that I was going to go work out the last paperwork I needed to do to re-enroll this term instead of next. And all of a sudden as I accomplished more and more tasks; looking for a job, doing laundry, helping a friend get acquainted to college life, making plans with people other than my roommates, cleaning the kitchen and organizing my closet, I discovered what I'd been missing as the summer has drawn to a close: a challenge, a task, just something to do. I feel amazing today, accomplished, successful, and most importantly happy.
Don't get me wrong, I have been surprisingly happy, all things considered. (A little bit of history here, I recently ended a huge yearish long relationship) anyway, the point is I knew in my heart it was time to let go but at the same time, it is hard. But that isn't the point of this post. This post is about new things, about old endings and new beginnings.
I am so very happy to back in Monmouth, to be near old friends and ready to make new ones. But mostly I'm happy to be starting a new chapter in my life and finally writing the ending of the last one. I feel like I'm thriving again (even if I do play more video games then I should still) old habits die hard I guess. But even my video game addiction is something I've decided to work on and while I'll still play more than the average person I plan on cutting down the hours I log. I'm also going to blog more regularly now; even if it's only a paragraph I want to write once a week. Why? Because I have decided that I want to set a goal for my little blog. I think it would be cool to have at least twenty readers by the end of the year. So in the words of my great hero Barney Stinson: "Challenge excepted!"
It's time to better myself to become the person, the teacher, the roll model I want to be. The journey starts now, and I know it's going to be an eventful and exciting one. :)
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
It does not do to dwell on dreams...
Perhaps a tad on the nose but I still think it fits. My lovely little blog here is almost a year old, and having realized that I went back through the other night and reread what I'd said up to this point. And I came to a conclusion, I still have no idea where I'm going with this. I've written about a myriad of topics, from love, to heart break, travel to loss. I've written about writing and thinking, fighting and laughing. But I still don't know where I'm going.
I've been writing this post for near on a week now, unsure what to say or do. Always looking for the inspiration that's right around the corner just out of reach. So I read, other blogs to be precise. Just to see what they do or where they go. I read a friends fashion blog, a lovers empty blog, a friends emptier blog, and of course the blog that got me started on this whole crazy adventure of writing to a crowd, and many, many, others. And the conclusion that I reached this morning as the bread bakes and I have time to kill? The very best blogs ramble on, they relate to your life because they're mundane while seeing the magic underneath it all. They're exciting because that same stuff happens to you. And they're helpful because every once in a while it's fun to make thermite.
I don't know where my blog is headed, and perhaps I'll never know, but I can't wait to see where it takes me, and I've started to wonder this morning if perhaps that's because Dumbledore was wrong. Perhaps dwelling on dreams is what makes things magical, or keeps hope alive, the hope that a relative will make it through cancer or the simple hope that your blog has some purpose in this world even if you don't know what it is. Because we never know who's reading this. The boy in New York who stumbled upon one of my countless articles about love and realized the girl in chemistry is worth fighting for. Or the girl in California who reads just to see what's going on in my life. And finally the girl in Oregon who's partially inspired to continue writing and to hell if her blog rambles too.
I've changed they're lives for better or worse simply by eccentrically rambling when I get the chance and so has every other rambling blog out there. So I'm gonna keep writing as long as you keep reading because who knows when my ramblings will take us some place cool? I know I eagerly await new posts from you guys for the same reason (some of you a little longer than others). So here's to another year of rambling, and hopefully the same from all of you. Let's keep one little corner of the blogosphere wonderfully random, shall we?
I've been writing this post for near on a week now, unsure what to say or do. Always looking for the inspiration that's right around the corner just out of reach. So I read, other blogs to be precise. Just to see what they do or where they go. I read a friends fashion blog, a lovers empty blog, a friends emptier blog, and of course the blog that got me started on this whole crazy adventure of writing to a crowd, and many, many, others. And the conclusion that I reached this morning as the bread bakes and I have time to kill? The very best blogs ramble on, they relate to your life because they're mundane while seeing the magic underneath it all. They're exciting because that same stuff happens to you. And they're helpful because every once in a while it's fun to make thermite.
I don't know where my blog is headed, and perhaps I'll never know, but I can't wait to see where it takes me, and I've started to wonder this morning if perhaps that's because Dumbledore was wrong. Perhaps dwelling on dreams is what makes things magical, or keeps hope alive, the hope that a relative will make it through cancer or the simple hope that your blog has some purpose in this world even if you don't know what it is. Because we never know who's reading this. The boy in New York who stumbled upon one of my countless articles about love and realized the girl in chemistry is worth fighting for. Or the girl in California who reads just to see what's going on in my life. And finally the girl in Oregon who's partially inspired to continue writing and to hell if her blog rambles too.
I've changed they're lives for better or worse simply by eccentrically rambling when I get the chance and so has every other rambling blog out there. So I'm gonna keep writing as long as you keep reading because who knows when my ramblings will take us some place cool? I know I eagerly await new posts from you guys for the same reason (some of you a little longer than others). So here's to another year of rambling, and hopefully the same from all of you. Let's keep one little corner of the blogosphere wonderfully random, shall we?
Friday, July 8, 2011
Love, or Something Akin to It
Hey You,
It's been awhile, since I've blogged, and since we've talked. So that's why I'm writing this. Might as well kill two birds with one stone as the say. but anyway to the meat of the subject: ME! oh... yes.... and you as well haha.
You once made the mistake, like so many before you, of believing I was perfect, or, well put together I believe your words were. But I'm not, far from it in fact. You see my well dressed facade, the collar, and the perfectly tied tie. You hear the English mannerisms in my speech, and the refined vocabulary. But you don't see, because I don't want you to. You don't see the boy underneath, the shattered personality at times so consumed by his OCD he spends an hour or more tying that tie. You don't see the fear that fills my heart and stomach when I see you or talk to you, because I think you're beautiful.
Look closely at my face and you'll see the spot I missed shaving because I slept in too late, and later that day ask me what I'm thinking, and I'll tell you something sweet and charming but what I'm really thinking? "Gah! The spot I missed is so obvious I'm sure she see's it, I know this will drive her away." You see the perfect posture, slightly out turned feet to prevent slouching. Elbows off the table when I'm eating. What you miss though is far less refined; I trip up and down stairs daily, I'm I'm so klutzy you'd think I went out of the way to trip over my cat in the morning. I walk into doors walls, and people, almost daily, usually because I'm lost too deep in my own thought about something plaguing me.
My point is love, I'm just as terrified as you were, I've just become adapt at hiding it. (for the most part anyway.)
I leave you with my final thought on this topic for now though:
A wise high school friend of mine once called me: "A bloody serial monogamist!" (truth time, several people have actually said this to me, her's stuck with me though because she slapped me to get the point across.) And while yes, I do so enjoy having one person to dote upon and be with, lately, it's become less of a worry to me. That's not to say that if we we're to go on a date that I would turn around and ask out the very next girl I see after I drop you off at home. It simply means that you're not ready for a relationship and as you can clearly see from above, and considering all that's happened, neither am I. All I want is a friend who's maybe a little more, someone fun, and smart, who isn't going to cause me a heart attack from worry. NOT to sell you short of course! I just don't want to be a serial monogamist right now. I bumbled that up didn't I? Well I'm hoping you understand what I'm trying to get across, I'm fairly certain you will.
Many people are going to read this, a few, will know it's about them, but it isn't, it's about you. I'd give you a hint but, you're an awfully smart girl and 'm sure you'll know it's actually you, and...... well. You know how I do so enjoy keeping you guessing.
I'm afraid though I really must be off, I've some cheesecake cookies in the oven that are about to burn, and I think I've finally perfected that damn recipe.
Adieu for now my dear.
Sincerely,
A Thief of Love
It's been awhile, since I've blogged, and since we've talked. So that's why I'm writing this. Might as well kill two birds with one stone as the say. but anyway to the meat of the subject: ME! oh... yes.... and you as well haha.
You once made the mistake, like so many before you, of believing I was perfect, or, well put together I believe your words were. But I'm not, far from it in fact. You see my well dressed facade, the collar, and the perfectly tied tie. You hear the English mannerisms in my speech, and the refined vocabulary. But you don't see, because I don't want you to. You don't see the boy underneath, the shattered personality at times so consumed by his OCD he spends an hour or more tying that tie. You don't see the fear that fills my heart and stomach when I see you or talk to you, because I think you're beautiful.
Look closely at my face and you'll see the spot I missed shaving because I slept in too late, and later that day ask me what I'm thinking, and I'll tell you something sweet and charming but what I'm really thinking? "Gah! The spot I missed is so obvious I'm sure she see's it, I know this will drive her away." You see the perfect posture, slightly out turned feet to prevent slouching. Elbows off the table when I'm eating. What you miss though is far less refined; I trip up and down stairs daily, I'm I'm so klutzy you'd think I went out of the way to trip over my cat in the morning. I walk into doors walls, and people, almost daily, usually because I'm lost too deep in my own thought about something plaguing me.
My point is love, I'm just as terrified as you were, I've just become adapt at hiding it. (for the most part anyway.)
I leave you with my final thought on this topic for now though:
A wise high school friend of mine once called me: "A bloody serial monogamist!" (truth time, several people have actually said this to me, her's stuck with me though because she slapped me to get the point across.) And while yes, I do so enjoy having one person to dote upon and be with, lately, it's become less of a worry to me. That's not to say that if we we're to go on a date that I would turn around and ask out the very next girl I see after I drop you off at home. It simply means that you're not ready for a relationship and as you can clearly see from above, and considering all that's happened, neither am I. All I want is a friend who's maybe a little more, someone fun, and smart, who isn't going to cause me a heart attack from worry. NOT to sell you short of course! I just don't want to be a serial monogamist right now. I bumbled that up didn't I? Well I'm hoping you understand what I'm trying to get across, I'm fairly certain you will.
Many people are going to read this, a few, will know it's about them, but it isn't, it's about you. I'd give you a hint but, you're an awfully smart girl and 'm sure you'll know it's actually you, and...... well. You know how I do so enjoy keeping you guessing.
I'm afraid though I really must be off, I've some cheesecake cookies in the oven that are about to burn, and I think I've finally perfected that damn recipe.
Adieu for now my dear.
Sincerely,
A Thief of Love
Sunday, June 5, 2011
You! (Part 3)
Yes you, in those clothes.
This one's for you.
Here's the truth, I like you, well I like almost everyone, but I might like like you. Why? Well I haven't the foggiest idea. Perhaps it's because you drive me crazy, I have a habit of falling for the people who drive me crazy, call me a masochist. But that's beside the point, but as long as we're on the topic I might as well expand a little bit.
You and I (if you haven't noticed) are uniquely similar, yet at the same time we can be exact polar opposites, like Doctor Jeykll and Mr. Hyde. So similar and yet so different. But I like it! I do, it keeps me on my toes, like a kitten or a wild tiger. You always keep me wondering what's going to happen next, like a puzzle. I appreciate the challenge dear, I enjoy the puzzle. As mad as you make me, as completely and utterly crazy your actions sometime's seem to be, I relish the chance to talk, to find one more puzzle piece and in so doing uncover three more.
And I must admit I'm so glad we started talking again lately. But on top of that.... well I'm also rather confused as to where we stand. Of course, I suppose I should know where I'd like us to stand, and frankly my dear I haven't the foggiest idea.
But I've gone off on a tangent again haven't I? I do that a lot, my mind tends to be about three ideas ahead so I'm afraid things get a little jumbled sometimes.
My point is, dear. I like you plain and simple. As a friend, as a challenge, in time perhaps as more than a friend. Other people are going to read this and think it's about them but it isn't, it's about you. I think you'll read this, I hope you'll read this, because I want you to know.
Now you know.
Always,
Sam
This one's for you.
Here's the truth, I like you, well I like almost everyone, but I might like like you. Why? Well I haven't the foggiest idea. Perhaps it's because you drive me crazy, I have a habit of falling for the people who drive me crazy, call me a masochist. But that's beside the point, but as long as we're on the topic I might as well expand a little bit.
You and I (if you haven't noticed) are uniquely similar, yet at the same time we can be exact polar opposites, like Doctor Jeykll and Mr. Hyde. So similar and yet so different. But I like it! I do, it keeps me on my toes, like a kitten or a wild tiger. You always keep me wondering what's going to happen next, like a puzzle. I appreciate the challenge dear, I enjoy the puzzle. As mad as you make me, as completely and utterly crazy your actions sometime's seem to be, I relish the chance to talk, to find one more puzzle piece and in so doing uncover three more.
And I must admit I'm so glad we started talking again lately. But on top of that.... well I'm also rather confused as to where we stand. Of course, I suppose I should know where I'd like us to stand, and frankly my dear I haven't the foggiest idea.
But I've gone off on a tangent again haven't I? I do that a lot, my mind tends to be about three ideas ahead so I'm afraid things get a little jumbled sometimes.
My point is, dear. I like you plain and simple. As a friend, as a challenge, in time perhaps as more than a friend. Other people are going to read this and think it's about them but it isn't, it's about you. I think you'll read this, I hope you'll read this, because I want you to know.
Now you know.
Always,
Sam
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Life 201
I can't help but thinking there should be a class taught about life. How many subtle little tips or tricks do we not know simple because we haven't bothered to ask? If there were a class though we'd learn so much more and it would be so much easier, and of course we'd have Life 95 and what not for people who need a lot more help.
*Attention Readers*
This is the important part
See? If there were a class on life you could recognize warnings like that without needing them, kinda like *caution contents of coffee cup may be hot* and skip over the whole first paragraph rant about teaching life as a class. Now here comes the important part:
What would you learn in life 201?
To be honest I haven't the foggiest, but! I have some ideas such as:
*Learning to play an instrument. I think everyone should know how to play at least one instrument, it's an incredibly useful talent to have.
* Courtesy. Not enough people in the world today know how to be courteous any more. It's quite sad really.
-courtesy driving big one? You know that little lever on your steering wheel that isn't your windshield wipers? Yeah that's called a turn signal it was invented and put in place for a good reason, use it.
-Also you know that other amazing feature of that lever? When you pull it back it turns your brights on and off! Cool huh?!
*Whatever TV tells you and isn't on the History Channel, Discovery Channel, Food Network or some similar channel is probably wrong or at least not completely right, don't try to do it.
*Don't burn books or ban them. Just because Harry Potter doing magic doesn't jive with your particular religion doesn't mean you should go on a fanatical crusade to ban it from the library. It's a book, not an instructional manual. Despite what you think there are other people in the world who don't follow your religion and might enjoy reading the Chronicles of Narnia (P.S. Just as an aside for all you Harry Potter haters out there, you should try reading the His Dark Materials trilogy by Phillip Pullman it's about killing God. :)
*Learn to cook Give a a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to cook and he can win over any womans heart. (Just change out the sex for you ladies it works on the men too.)
*Please, thank you and excuse me. I know these technically go under courtesy but honestly I think they kind of need their own section.
*Read. At least one book a month I should think. It helps to keep the mind sharp and also gives you a chance to unwind for awhile.
*At night, turn off your electronics. This is one I'm particularly bad about, I'm always afraid if I turn off my phone I'll miss an important call or if I turn off my computer I won't be able to sleep without my music. But guess what? Chances are if it's night time, that person calling you expected you to be asleep and the music you're listening to on your computer? It's probably making your sleep rougher.
Write. At least once a day, in a journal about the book your reading this month to your local newspaper or favorite magazine. Or even better yet.......
*Send a letter through the regular mail! I know with the advent of email and it's speed snail mail has fallen by the wayside, and while yes it does feel good to get an email from someone you care about. Nothing, I repeat nothing beats the rush you get when a loved one writes you an actual letter. It shows you really care when you take the time to sit down and write out someone a personal letter rather than an impersonal email.
*Say I love you at least once a day. It'll make you feel better trust me. Keeping those feelings bottled up inside is a very bad idea. I know.
*And finally don't be afraid to try new things. In fact as I write this I'm preparing to go down to the new sushi restaurant and try it out for the my article in the newspaper and I hate sushi.
I'm sure I missed some things, but hey most teachers do when they teach a class. All I can hope is that I've enlightened you a little bit on the topics I think most people should pay attention to. And if you think I made a glaring omission then add it. I'd love to here others opinions on what should be taught in the new class: Life 201.
*Attention Readers*
This is the important part
See? If there were a class on life you could recognize warnings like that without needing them, kinda like *caution contents of coffee cup may be hot* and skip over the whole first paragraph rant about teaching life as a class. Now here comes the important part:
What would you learn in life 201?
To be honest I haven't the foggiest, but! I have some ideas such as:
*Learning to play an instrument. I think everyone should know how to play at least one instrument, it's an incredibly useful talent to have.
* Courtesy. Not enough people in the world today know how to be courteous any more. It's quite sad really.
-courtesy driving big one? You know that little lever on your steering wheel that isn't your windshield wipers? Yeah that's called a turn signal it was invented and put in place for a good reason, use it.
-Also you know that other amazing feature of that lever? When you pull it back it turns your brights on and off! Cool huh?!
*Whatever TV tells you and isn't on the History Channel, Discovery Channel, Food Network or some similar channel is probably wrong or at least not completely right, don't try to do it.
*Don't burn books or ban them. Just because Harry Potter doing magic doesn't jive with your particular religion doesn't mean you should go on a fanatical crusade to ban it from the library. It's a book, not an instructional manual. Despite what you think there are other people in the world who don't follow your religion and might enjoy reading the Chronicles of Narnia (P.S. Just as an aside for all you Harry Potter haters out there, you should try reading the His Dark Materials trilogy by Phillip Pullman it's about killing God. :)
*Learn to cook Give a a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to cook and he can win over any womans heart. (Just change out the sex for you ladies it works on the men too.)
*Please, thank you and excuse me. I know these technically go under courtesy but honestly I think they kind of need their own section.
*Read. At least one book a month I should think. It helps to keep the mind sharp and also gives you a chance to unwind for awhile.
*At night, turn off your electronics. This is one I'm particularly bad about, I'm always afraid if I turn off my phone I'll miss an important call or if I turn off my computer I won't be able to sleep without my music. But guess what? Chances are if it's night time, that person calling you expected you to be asleep and the music you're listening to on your computer? It's probably making your sleep rougher.
Write. At least once a day, in a journal about the book your reading this month to your local newspaper or favorite magazine. Or even better yet.......
*Send a letter through the regular mail! I know with the advent of email and it's speed snail mail has fallen by the wayside, and while yes it does feel good to get an email from someone you care about. Nothing, I repeat nothing beats the rush you get when a loved one writes you an actual letter. It shows you really care when you take the time to sit down and write out someone a personal letter rather than an impersonal email.
*Say I love you at least once a day. It'll make you feel better trust me. Keeping those feelings bottled up inside is a very bad idea. I know.
*And finally don't be afraid to try new things. In fact as I write this I'm preparing to go down to the new sushi restaurant and try it out for the my article in the newspaper and I hate sushi.
I'm sure I missed some things, but hey most teachers do when they teach a class. All I can hope is that I've enlightened you a little bit on the topics I think most people should pay attention to. And if you think I made a glaring omission then add it. I'd love to here others opinions on what should be taught in the new class: Life 201.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Great Scott!
It's been quite sometime since I've written hasn't it? However in my defense I've been rather busy as of late what with twenty-eight credits and all that. (Including a writing class in which I'm doing a comparison paper between the Original Doctor Who series and the revamped one. Long story short? I watch Doctor Who for homework. Greatest paper ever? I think so.)
Anyway! To the point yeah? My last post, gosh basically a month ago, was wonderful idea i.e. the letter I'll never write to you. So I've been thinking a lot about other people I'd write letters to but never actually send, so I thought I'd do (at least) one more. :)
I loved you.
Or rather I was infatuated by you, but to a teenager they pretty much mean the exact same thing. I know that you already know that part and so I don't I need to go into more detail. What you might not know is this: there well always be a special place in my heart for you. I will always feel that love for you, and I will, at times, regret that we couldn't be more. However, my love for you has been turned towards our friendship now, I "love" our friendship. I love when we spend time together and I no longer think of you as an object of desire but rather a person of affection. You are like a sibling to me and I wouldn't want that to change ever again.
My point is, I want to always be here for you. But as a friend a shoulder to cry on when things get tough, and a person who will be by your side no matter what happens. I will always be here for you love, that isn't going to change. You've no idea how much you mean to me. And you've helped me without even realizing through one of the hardest periods in my life. Thank you.
Anyway! To the point yeah? My last post, gosh basically a month ago, was wonderful idea i.e. the letter I'll never write to you. So I've been thinking a lot about other people I'd write letters to but never actually send, so I thought I'd do (at least) one more. :)
I loved you.
Or rather I was infatuated by you, but to a teenager they pretty much mean the exact same thing. I know that you already know that part and so I don't I need to go into more detail. What you might not know is this: there well always be a special place in my heart for you. I will always feel that love for you, and I will, at times, regret that we couldn't be more. However, my love for you has been turned towards our friendship now, I "love" our friendship. I love when we spend time together and I no longer think of you as an object of desire but rather a person of affection. You are like a sibling to me and I wouldn't want that to change ever again.
My point is, I want to always be here for you. But as a friend a shoulder to cry on when things get tough, and a person who will be by your side no matter what happens. I will always be here for you love, that isn't going to change. You've no idea how much you mean to me. And you've helped me without even realizing through one of the hardest periods in my life. Thank you.
Friday, March 18, 2011
YOU.
Yes, you. I am writing this for you.
I know you are reading this. And I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it’s not. I am writing this for you.
I want you to know, life…it’s hard. Every day can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile. But I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going almost every day. You just need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing, and wonderful. You really, truly are.
You should be happy. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met.
I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know what that means?
You are alive.
And I am always thinking of you.
Everything will be okay.
I know you are reading this. And I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it’s not. I am writing this for you.
I want you to know, life…it’s hard. Every day can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile. But I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going almost every day. You just need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing, and wonderful. You really, truly are.
You should be happy. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met.
I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know what that means?
You are alive.
And I am always thinking of you.
Everything will be okay.
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